


A New Beginning

by s_rose



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Abusive Parents, Alternate Universe - High School, Depressed Simon Lewis, Depression, Hurt Simon Lewis, Multi, Self-Harm, Simon-centric, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-27
Updated: 2018-08-12
Packaged: 2019-05-14 07:56:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,138
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14765624
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/s_rose/pseuds/s_rose
Summary: After Simon's mother dies due to an overdose, he is adopted by Clary's family. They pick up and move in hopes of giving Simon a new start. But as his past resurfaces, Simon's bad habits do to. Major Trigger Warning.





	1. The Familiar Numbness

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first piece of writing that I'm letting the world see, so if you guys think that my b.s is any good I will continue to write this story or else I will delete this from ever existing. If any of you have any feedback or questions about this leave it in the comments and I will answer to as many as I can.

In his dream Simon Lewis stood in the living room of his old home. He had many memories of the home but there is one that seemed to be imprinted on the back of his eyelids. It was in this very living room. Simon had found his mother dead on the couch due to her alcoholism,she had had an overdose. He remembers the issue that lead to the incident. Causing his mother to down one then two, then eventually three and four bottles of alcohol. Elaine Lewis has received a call from Simon’s English teacher to discuss his not so good grade in the class. And when Simon had come home later that night she had gone ballistic.

“You are so useless! All you’ve done since the moment you were born is cause problems!” Ms. Lewis screamed at Simon. “You can’t even pass a simple class! You are so _stupid_!” Simon believed his mother, each taunting word like a knife piercing his skin. As a child he would block it out, but as he got older the words his mother said were more often and had gotten harsher, making him believe her. Simon had later retreated to his bedroom to block out his mother’s yelling, as she screamed at no one in particular of all of his previous slip-ups. He sat on the floor on his bedroom watching blood drip down onto the floor from his thighs due to the new words that he had carved into his skin letting the physical pain overpower the emotional and leaving him numb. The next morning when he tried to wake up his mother before he headed off to school she was unresponsive.

3 months later Simon was legally adopted by Clary’s parents. Apparently he was already family to the Garroway’s, and they were just making it official . They had also picked up and moved from Queens and moved to Brooklyn because, according to Jocelyn it was easier for her and Luke to get to work in the city. It was officially the end of summer break and it was the first day of Clary and Simon’s sophomore year tomorrow. “You really think the Garroway’s care about you Simon?” His mother had suddenly appeared in the room. “Wait until they find out how _worthless_ you are. I bet they can’t wait until you turn 18 and they no longer have to care of you.” Elaine snarled at her son. Simon jolted awake from his nightmare and turned on his lamp, but he couldn’t- he couldn’t get the words from his nightmare out of his head.

Simon went into his bathroom and fished out the razor blade he had kept hidden. Simon had promised Clary that he would stop cutting and that he would tell her if he ever thought about it, and he hasn't done so in a month. But, it was currently 3 o’clock in the morning and Simon just wanted to stop thinking of the words his mother said for a second. His whole body trembling as he brought the blade down to his forearm and pulled it across cutting skin and drawing blood. Simon let out a whimper as he slashed his arms a couple more times and welcomed the familiar pain. He breathed heavily as he collapsed onto the bathroom floor with tears streaming down his face and as the feeling of emptiness overcome him.


	2. Your Fault

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING ON THIS CHAPTER AND FUTURE CHAPTER. There is explicit and detailed references and or scenes containing self-harm

Simon sat on the floor his silent tears turning into muffled sobs that shook his body. The evidence had been staring at him right in the face, but he continued to ignore it for months. The words crammed his mind _‘Your fault, Your fault, Your fault’_ the voice in his head screamed at him. It was his fault he failed the class. It was his fault, his mother yelled at him. It was his fault his mother constantly drowned her body in alcohol. It was his fault his mother was dead.

He continued sob as the tears flowed, and he began hiccuping as the air he breathed escaped his lungs. Simon slowly rised off the floor his body shaking as he made it to the sink as washed off the drying blood to examine his handy work, 7 red lines standing out on his pale skin along with a the fading lines from previous instances. He reached into the cabinet beneath him and wrapped gauze around his arm. Usually the tightness around his lungs would loosen and the chanting in his brain telling him to litter his skin with cuts would stop, but tonight his mind continued to scream and his breath continued trembled out his body.

His hand ached towards the razor that laid on the floor as his mind racing and it repeat the same set of words _‘Your fault, Your fault, Your fault, Your fault’_. Simon grabbed the blade and tugged down his pajama bottoms as he dropped back down to the floor he starred at the words that he had etched into his skin before, faint due to the age of some carvings but predominate, like a firefly in a meadow at night. He raised the blade to an empty patch of skin, his hands steady, unwavering as he carved ‘YOUR FAULT’ into his skin. Simon sniffled a hiss by biting on his tongue the pain excruciating yet comforting. Now it was a permanent reminder, he had killed his mother, her blood on his hands, nothing will change the fact, and now it could not be erased. He was finally satisfied, the rope that was suffocating him suddenly loose, allowing him to breathe, to think.

Simon slowly cleaned himself up and achingly made him way underneath his covers but he was to agitated to sleep. Simon suddenly remembered that tomorrow was the first day of school. Clary and him had their stories straight, Simon was Clary’s adoptive brother and there was nothing else to bring up. He pushed the covers off his body and made his way to his desk in the corner of the room and sat on the chair staring out the window at nothing in particular as his mind remained restless. Simon thought about the last 3 months and how crazy is they were, he lost the only parent he had left, he was legally Clary’s brother, and he was going to a new school tomorrow.

He let out a shaky sigh and let his mind race besides the fact on how emotionally tired he was, and no matter how much he wanted to sleep his mind would not rest. He watched as the occasional car went by, until he felt his eyes fighting to stay open. Simon managed his way back to his covers and as he drifted off to sleep, his brain chanted a whispering reminder.  _'Your fault, Your fault, Your fault"._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to the humans that have decided to continue to read my crappy writing. Thank you to you all that have left kudos. and please leave a review on this chapter because, I just believe that my work is shit and that nobody likes it. Also, I have a hard time deciding if you all would like to have more than one point view throughout the story. So I'd really like your feedback on that.


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